昔は2日アナルを触らないと、縄を触らないと指先から感覚が消えていってしまうようで怖くて、少しの距離も取ることができなかったのですが、その感覚も大切だけどそこだけで視ていないことや、それだけが私の全てではないことに気づいてからは、そこに対しての不安はかなり薄れました。
Thank you to everyone who came to see me today.
Even though it was a last-minute shift and I ended up changing the start time, I still had a fulfilling day thanks to your reservations.
It had been a week since I’d had a proper conversation with anyone,
so I was a little worried about whether I could still communicate well—
but it turned out to be just fine.
I’m naturally an introvert.
I rarely go to places with large crowds,
I don’t drink, so bar-hopping is definitely not my thing,
and I’m not someone who actively seeks out conversation in my private life.
So after being away from sessions for a week, I sometimes start to worry whether I’ve forgotten how to connect.
In the past, if I didn’t touch an anus or handle rope for two days,
I’d feel like the sensation was fading from my fingertips.
It scared me so much that I couldn’t even put a little distance between myself and the work.
But over time, I came to realize that while that sensitivity is important,
it’s not the only thing that defines me.
And since then, that fear has gradually faded.
It was honestly a kind of obsessive thinking.
I’m still a bit on the stoic side,
but I’ve become much gentler with myself compared to before.
I think it’s proof that I’ve started to forgive more,
and recognize the many misconceptions I had created on my own.
Looking back, I was someone who used to invent problems and chase nothing but my own sense of resolution—
and I can honestly say now that I was kind of intense back then.
Have you ever had a phase like that?
Now, I’ve come to even find that old version of myself endearing—
and forgiving her has made life so much easier.
That kind of self-compassion really matters, doesn’t it?
I’ve said this before, but I’ll say it again:
Courage, commitment, and honesty really are the ultimate trio.
As long as you have those, you’ll somehow make it through.
With that, I’ll be back at Studio K from 1 PM tomorrow.
If the timing works for you, let’s enjoy our time together!
Good night!
