向かい合っているわけでないので、視線や表情を気にしない分、相手のいる独り言のような感覚とラジオのような感覚、もちろん会話をしている感覚も含め、混ざり合ったような感じが心地良くて。
自己肯定感の低さについての会話をしていたのですが、私も決して高い方ではないので(高いと思われているかもしれないけど)共感できる部分が多くて、皆んなそれぞれ色々あるよな、と改めて当たり前のことをかえりみる機会になりました。
足らない、欠けている、他の人が当たり前にできることが何故できない、【普通】がわからない、苦手なことが何故こんなに多いのか、苦手な環境(電車や大勢の人と距離が取れない空間)に行くとパニック(過呼吸etc)を起こしてしまう、行間を読むことができない、本音と建前や冗談の理解が困難etc...
人並みに人並みのことができるようになりたい、人と問題なく会話ができるようようになりたい、大勢の人がいる空間にいってもいつも通り呼吸がしたい、LINEのやり取りをそつなくこなしたい、女性たちの「かわいい」を理解したいetc...
I enjoy driving, so I often find myself going here and there by car. Because of that, I also end up giving rides to others quite a bit.
And I actually really like chatting in the car.
Since you’re not facing each other directly, there’s no need to worry about eye contact or facial expressions.
It feels like a blend of talking to yourself in the presence of someone else, like a personal radio broadcast, and of course, like a genuine conversation.
That mixture feels really comfortable to me.
How about you?
Have you ever felt that way?
Something like that happened just the other day, too.
We were talking about low self-esteem, and while people may assume mine is high, it’s actually not.
So I could really relate to what was being said.
It became a moment to reflect on something very simple—that everyone has their own struggles.
Not feeling enough, feeling incomplete, wondering why you can’t do things others seem to do naturally,
not understanding what “normal” is, having so many things you’re bad at,
panicking (like hyperventilating) in environments that are overwhelming (like crowded trains or spaces where you can’t keep your distance),
struggling to read between the lines, or understanding the difference between someone’s true feelings and what they’re just saying, or even jokes…
In my twenties, I was constantly dealing with all of that.
And that, paired with low self-esteem, made every day feel like survival.
I wanted to be able to do “normal” things like everyone else.
I wanted to talk to people without issues.
I wanted to breathe normally even in crowded places.
I wanted to handle LINE conversations smoothly.
I wanted to understand what women meant when they said things were “cute.”
I was basically a professional at finding flaws in myself.
Looking back now, it’s kind of a fascinating mindset.
These days, I don’t overthink things nearly as much.
As I’ve mentioned before—
what isn’t there from the beginning simply isn’t there.
And what is there has always been there.
A guest who visited Studio K yesterday felt the same way—
but really, you don’t have to feel sorry.
That sense of guilt is something you created.
Unless someone is explicitly telling you to feel bad,
then that feeling of guilt isn’t coming from outside—it’s internal.
I hope we can all avoid being ruled by self-imposed guilt and pressure.
Each of us is always, and already, loved freely just as we are.
I’ll be at Studio K today from 1 PM to 9 PM.
I look forward to your visits and reservations!